I’ve always thought ESPN was full of itself and overly obsessed with their own importance and insight, so I was very excited to look back at their predictions for the 2008 Florida Marlins. Now, I know that the Marlins performed better than we expected (81 wins with 6 games to go) but ESPN’s predictions were so dire that I want us all to read and laugh.

First, here is the view from Bob Klapisch:

The bigger problem is the bottom half of the batting order, which is filled with question marks and experiments. It’s no stretch projecting the Marlins in the last third of the NL in runs scored. (Bob Klapisch)

Next, let’s see the actual win/loss projections:

• Jayson Stark: 70-92, 5th in NL East
• Tim Kurkjian: 64-98, 5th in NL East
• Buster Olney: 68-94, 5th in NL East
• Keith Law: 68-94, 5th in NL East
• Steve Phillips: 66-96, 5th in NL East

You have to give Jayson Stark some credit. He’s only off by 11+ wins.

How about Jeremy Hermida? He was their sleeper:

Jeremy Hermida has fallen off a lot of fantasy radar screens, but remember, the former 11th overall pick is just 24 years old. After the All-Star break in ‘07, he hit .340/.401/.555, with a dramatically improved line-drive rate. A season-long line of .300/25/90 is possible.

Even when they got something right, they still screwed it up:

Don’t rely on Kevin Gregg to be a closer all year. Gregg earns the most money on this team, and has two more arbitration years ahead. The Marlins aren’t going anywhere, and they’ve got a bunch of power-arm closer replacements. Expect a midsummer trade.

or

Just as Cabrera will be missed, so will Willis, who gave the Marlins real mound presence and a legitimate chance to win every fifth day. There’s no such guarantee in the current rotation. Olsen has upside, but his ERA soared to 5.81 last year, the third season in a row that mark has increased. The league’s average against him ballooned from .239 to .315. Sergio Mitre is out until June with a forearm strain, opening the door for Volstad at the back end of the rotation. But his lack of major league experience will keep the Marlins from rushing him.

(For the record, Gregg performed well until August and most people who followed the Marlins knew that Dontrelle was sinking fast).

And please, don’t get me started with their fantasy stats projections: Jacobs with 13 HR, Cantu with 5 HR and 35 RBI, Ricky Nolasco with 5 wins.

Now, before you all begin to hammer me for, well, hammering ESPN, they did get a few things right, including:

Chris Volstad, a former first-rounder, throws an almost effortless 90-94 mph.

Looking for some Marlins desktop wallpaper? Well, below are links to various wallpaper sizes of this photo of Hanley Ramirez:

• 1024×768
• 1280×1024
• 1920×1200

I love the Fish but even I can enjoy some of Greg Cote’s nicknames:

Mike (Where Grounders Go to Enjoy a Second Chance) Jacobs

…

Fredi (Hook) Gonzalez

…

Renyel (Blowing Up Like a 1971 Ford) Pinto

…

Kevin (Crapshoot) Gregg

I think this is a pretty horrible looking collectible.

It is officially known as the “Forever Collectibles Florida Marlins 2008 Statue of Liberty Statues on Parade 9 Inch Figure“. I assume it’s related to the All-Star game in New York. That begs the question: What other New York Landmark would you like to see with a Marlins logo?

Someone is selling a 1997 Florida Marlins World Series ring on eBay. Seriously.

1997 Florida Marlins Worlds Series Championship Ring

The seller claims to have been a scout. Starting price is $4,500 buy you can buy it now for $6,250.

I wasn’t able to pick it all up, but Mike Jacobs announced the lineup for FSN today used the following nicknames:

• Hanley “H2R” Ramirez
• Josh “The Hammer” Willingham
• Jorge “Cannot” Cantu
• Mike “Robo” Rabelo
• Alfredo “The Fly Mexican” Amezaga
• Mark “I can dunk on you” Hendrickson

But looking at this cartoon, I’m sure Naver’s season preview of the Marlins’ pitching (left) and offense (right) is consistent with other previews.

In today’s haystack of weird stories comes this needle from the AP via The Dickinson Press.

Apparently, David Samson is an old friend of North Dakota Senator Kent Conrad so he used the opportunity of a day off in DC to visit his pal. Surprisingly, despite this “friendship”, Samson has yet to contribute a dime to Conrad’s campaign.

Anyway, Samson successfully increased attendance at a future Marlins’ game by 1:

Conrad, in turn, will travel to Florida to spend a day with David Samson, an old friend of his.

Samson said they had talked about shadowing each other while watching a baseball game together one day.

Then came the fun swap:

Each man told the other he admired his job.

“So I said, ‘Let’s switch jobs,’” Samson recalled.

They agreed on one caveat: Samson would not be able to cast a Senate vote and Conrad could not sign any players

How fun! (seriously, this day off thing is getting to me)

Wondering were all the marketing dollars we hear the team is spending end up? (No, it wasn’t all spent on a bunch of fat guys dancing between inning)

Apparently the Florida Marlins have been sponsoring a Porsche GT3 for Joe Safina Racing with Mitchum Motorsports as part of the Grand-Am Rolex Sports Car Series. Initially, the Fish signed up for a one-race sponsorship for a race the GAINSCO Grand Prix of Miami in Homestead (the Marlins car finished 17th), but now they’ve extended it for two years:

Safina not only had his Porsche painted up in the Marlins’ teal and black colors, the team members had Marlins’ shirts and the drivers wore the team’s uniform tops. On race day, the Marlins’ cheerleaders on hand to sign autographs and pose for pictures.

“I wasn’t a baseball fan until recently,” Safina said. “Now, I’m a big fan.

“The Marlins have been very good to us. They’ve been very supportive of Safina racing. We loved having them and they’ve been real good to us. They loved the show we put on.”

The Marlins will be back with the team for the next two years, and have already asked Safina to bring the car to a ballgame next season.

You can read the rest of the story here.

Nearly 5 years too late, the main stream media has finally decided to recognize that the Marlins beat the Cubs in 2003:

Alou, now with the Mets, said he wouldn’t have caught the now-infamous pop fly in the 2003 National League Championship Series that hit the heel of Bartman’s hand in the eighth inning of Game 6, prolonging an inning in which the Marlins later rallied for the lead. Florida then went on to win the series.

This Bartman thing has always distracted from the truth (although we’ve said it before):

In the Marlins dugout, Game 7 pitcher Mark Redman turned to a teammate and said, “Let’s make this kid famous.”

They did, but only because a few pitches later, Cubs shortstop Alex Gonzalez made an equally ham-handed attempt on a grounder that should have been an inning-ending double play. Florida erupted for eight runs to win Game 6 and the only real suspense left was whether the kid would get out of Wrigley Field alive that night. The Marlins clinched the NLCS the night after.

We know that Cubs fans will never put this to rest, but at least the rest of the world can finally accept the facts.